by William W. Busching, Esq.
I recognize that this column, ‘The Blue Jean Lawyer,’ is typically upbeat, a bit humorous and features a female in blue jeans , but please bear with me, as I wanted to talk about a serious topic that can never be exhausted, so here we go.
Over my twenty-two years of practice, I will never forget the words from a very wise judge.
He called both Husband and Wife into his chambers and said to them:
“You are divorced now, but please think about this, for the sake of your three children, you are going to need to get along better, today and in the future, than you did while you were married.”
I was a bit taken back, as the divorce had been a bitter one, which included all of the spite and pettiness one could imagine.
However, his words were prophetic. As I thought about it, children are the true victims or losers when it comes to divorce. Of course, exceptions exist, but for the most part, they get the raw end of the deal, as they are powerless and don’t have much of a say so, if any, in where they live, who they spend their holidays with, and have zero control over their parents’ behavior.
The truth of matter is most, if not all, children love both of their parents dearly and to endure and be subjected to the constant blame and criticism that most divorced spouses direct at each other has a deep and profound affect on a child and their sense of security.
Please forgive me for sounding like a shrink, but I have seen enough of this type of behavior that I don’t need a degree in psychiatry to recognize the negative impact.
My suggestion to parents who have suffered through a divorce, traumatic or not, is to please, stop thinking about all of the negatives that you have endured and pause for a moment…turn your focus on your children and what they have endured…and think about the simple fact that a child is a gift, one to be treasured, protected, and cared for.
If you will focus on that simple truth, you and your children will be happier, more fulfilled and better prepared to face the next stage of life.
Not to mention, the fact that when you are old and wrinkled, you may very well need someone to care for you, and it will be their turn to provide you with the same security and love you provided them.