Special Guest Columnist Kim Gaughf

What’s something many of us seek, but few of us find?


When friendships, relationships end, we’ve been conditioned by movies and books, fictional stories, to believe that we’ll be automatically gifted with an explanation as to why.

But what do you do when you don’t receive that? How do you allow it to affect you?

*When someone passes away unexpectedly, tragically, and you didn’t get to have a final conversation with them.

*When a relationship slowly fizzles out; your partner shuts down, stops communicating, and eventually “checks out” of your life without a “proper” goodbye.

*You’re laid off from your job of 10/15/20 years; they cite budget cuts, restructuring, down-sizing, and it feels like there’s no regard given for who you are and what you’ve contributed and sacrificed.

*You notice that a good friend doesn’t seem to be much of a friend anymore. Suddenly there’s an unexplained distance between the two of you. You don’t remember doing anything wrong or hurtful to them, yet you just don’t hear from them anymore.

I can tell you the most damaging way to handle these situations: DWELLING on them. “WHAT-IFFING” them to death. Letting them eat you alive.

There comes a time when you should accept the “un-closed” event for what it is.

Sometimes you just don’t get the explanation you’d like. Sometimes the person you wish would deliver it to you doesn’t have the tools to do so.

But the good news is, YOU get to decide how to go forward with the information you DO have.

“I adored my friend who passed away, and though I didn’t get to see her one last time, I will cherish the memories of our friendship and hold her in my heart forever.”

“I know I don’t understand today why my relationship ended; but what I do know is that this was not my person. I am thankful for the joy it brought me and the lessons I have learned. I will use this insight to move forward and prepare myself for the person who will be a better fit for me.”

“I am sad that the time I’ve spent doing a job that I’m deeply invested in is coming to an end. I will miss my duties and the personal connections I have made here. I am thankful for the knowledge and experience I’ve gained, and I get to take that with me to my next job. A refreshing change may be just what I need to give my career new life.”

“I miss my friend, and I don’t understand why we’ve lost touch. If I’m unable to regain a  connection with her, I will choose to move on. I wish her well, and I’m thankful for the time we shared and experiences we had.”

You get to choose how to frame the experiences you have.

You get to decide how long you’re going to dwell on what you DON’T have.

You get to give yourself permission to move past the place where you’re emotionally “stuck”.

Remember, pain is inevitable; SUFFERING is a choice.

Transformational Life Coach, Kim Gaughf, promotes the concepts of self-awareness, personal responsibility and healthy boundaries; and teaches you how to apply them to all your relationships.