by Tina Seymour Demoran, Esquire
In my consultations with divorce clients, I tell them that when I worked in the ICU in the hospital (many years ago), people sometimes suddenly seemed like they were getting better right before they died.
One-sided relationships are very similar.
At the end, when you know that there’s nothing that can be done to fix a relationship, one of two things can happen:
Either the person who is not committed to a healthy relationship finally says to heck with it and stops trying to control the other (which usually means they will treat you worse than before), or they try to suddenly act like they’re going to change and make everything better.
That is why it takes a person so long to get away from someone who is controlling in a relationship.
When a person becomes truly serious about leaving, the controlling party will usually suddenly change for the better and will be good for a couple of months. Then, once he or she knows they have their spouse back under control, they will go back to the same old same old.
I am a huge proponent of marriage counseling.
In a neutral environment, where neither party knows the counselor.
Sometimes it takes an outsider looking in to give an honest assessment of what is going on in the relationship.
Honesty, hard work, and a commitment to healing can save a marriage.
I’ve seen it happen many times.
However, if it is a one-sided relationship, and the other person is only making a token gesture at trying to save the relationship, it’s most likely going to fail.
Marriage is not a 50%-50% relationship.
Marriage is a 100% commitment on each side, every day.
It’s hard work. It’s not always fun. But it’s worth it.